He'Brew

He'Brew, the Chosen Beer...
http://www.shmaltz.com/index1.html

Relatives have got me in a rotten mood... it's not worth getting into.
So, although I'm not drowning my sorrows in a frosty mug of beer.. I am reading about it..

Memento Man

Short Term memory loss is a bitch.

People who didn't know me before I had kids say things to me now like "Were you always this forgetful?"
I feel like a thoughtless jerk sometimes, forgetting significant details of things that people have told me.

Today at work, someone sent out one of those 'helpful' little health notes-- today's was entitled "Is it Memory Loss, or Dementia?"
So now..

Oh never mind. I forgot what I was going to say.

I want my Potty Post-Its!

This one passed along to us from the SleepyMom files:

My wife went to Target today. She's had trouble at Target before (a fiasco a year or two back regarding her attempt to return, with receipt in hand, a movie or CD or something and Target's steadfast refusal to take back their own item-- it even still had the sticker with the big Target Bulls-eye on the cellophane wrapper-- just a week or so after it'd been purchased, because Target had discontinued carrying the item).. So I could have told her she should've known better-- but I try to avoid being that kind of guy.

Anyway, she went to Target.

And in their Dollar aisle, she found what she described as the perfect stocking-stuffer item for her brother: a set of post-it notes in the shape of an open toilet. Yes, my wife and her brother have an interesting relationship, no doubt.

She grabs the post-its, figuring this will be the laugh of the day come Christmas morning. She does her other shopping, and then heads to the check-out where the cashier takes the post-its, scans them, and the register makes a loud beeping noise. The cashier looks at the display and, much to my wife's shock and dismay, puts them in a bin under the register.

"These are a recall item," says the cashier.

"What?"

"This item has been recalled. I can't sell it to you."
Talk about bait and switch. Call it the bait and swipe. What kind of store puts items on display and then tells you, once you've made the emotional leap of faith, that you cannot take that item home??

Heartless Target!

And my wife, mother of my children, holder of two advanced degrees in English Literature, found herself standing in a Target uttering the words "But I want my Potty Post-Its!"

How sweet!

I never get tired of watching the Yankees beat the Red Sox.
But does it get any better than watching A-Rod jack one out in the top of the 9th off Mr.-Let's-Rub-It In-Their-Faces himself, Curt Schilling? To win it?

The 36 Hour headache

Oh, what a long dark hour of the soul we have been through these last few days.
You know, you'd think almost four years of fatherhood would have prepared me for this.
But I guess every now and then your body has to remind you who's really in charge.

So, without boring you with a long, blow by blow description, suffice it to say that on Monday a kind of mild lingering headache I'd noticed at some point during the day blossomed into a 101 degree fever and a humDINGER of a headache. And no amount of Tylenol or Ibuprofen had any effect. None.

Got home and found that Aidan had struck a similar temp, so I guess one of us gave it to the other.

And while the fever kind of came and went, the headache remained pretty constant for TWO FREAKIN' DAYS!

I'd have liked to put a drill bit through my forehead.

So today is Wednesday-- I've been out sick from work for two days-- and at 5:30pm tonight, I woke from a short nap and the headache was gone. Let the Chorus of Angels Sing! And so far (keep your fingers crossed) it's still gone.

Okay, so that was pretty much a blow by blow account...

So Aidan's fever broke sometime yesterday. When I went to the doctor today-- because, you know, the longest headache I've ever had has lasted about 30 minutes-- he reminded me that kids tend to get over these things much faster than adults do. He didn't seem to think it was any big deal-- once he'd ruled out Bacterial Menengitis, that is (!).

So I feel like I'm on the mend. We'll see how tonight goes.

Blue Laws

Well, what better day to re-start this blog than Father's Day?

So I'm at the local Kroger to pick up some last-minute provisions for the big Father's Day shin-dig-- some veggies, chips, dip, and beer.
Found a nice looking Hefeweizen from Shiner-- hadn't seen that at the store before-- and figured that would make a nice summer-time beer.

But when I went through the check-out, the little cashier girl said "You can't buy beer before 12:00 noon."
I said, "Pardon?" as I shot a glance at my watch.
It was 11:50am.
"It won't let me sell you the beer before noon," she said, beckoning at the register monitor.
"Okay, so I guess I should have wandered around the store for 10 more minutes, eh?"
She didn't appreciate my sarcasm.

So I put the groceries it would let me buy into my car and then, as I took the cart back to the front of the store (yeah, I do that), I decided I didn't want to go home without that beer. So back into Kroger I went.

I went to the cashier for the U-Scan lane to ask him what official Kroger time is.
Apparently, I wasn't the only one trying to break the law and buy beer this morning. As I went to ask the U-Scan guy-- probably the most under-worked employee in the store-- he was already having a bad day. Two Hispanic guys were trying to buy a six-pack of beer and Captain Kroger was officiously explaining to them that they could not buy beer before noon-- and the guy was looking quizzically at his watch.

So I manage to get Captain Kroger's attention and ask him what official Kroger time was. Bad idea. He looks at me and launches into a soliloquey on how the Kroger computer system works to prevent beer sales before Noon on Sundays.. and that the Kroger clock is 2 minutes slow. So there's still about 5 minutes to go.

"Hey," I say, "no problem. I can wait."
He looked disappointed.
Does this guy have something against beer on a hot summer Sunday afternoon?

So I go back and get the Hefeweizen and stand just outside the perimeter of the U-Scan queue... and slowly I notice that I am one of a small gathering of guys with beer... all of us obviously waiting out the clock. There's me, the two Hispanic guys, and a college-age kid.

I start to strike up a conversation with the college kid when Captain Kroger chooses to remind us all that "It's still not 12:00. About another 2 minutes."

Right, Chief. Relax. We're good.

The college kid laughs. And that's when I notice the contents of his purchase:
1) Kraft Mac & Cheese
2) a bag of M&Ms
3) a six pack of Natural Light

I point that out to him and jokingly say, "Man, it just doesn't get any better than that, does it?"
"No, it's true. It is pretty good. Got some brats waiting for me at home."

Oh man. Brats and Natty Lite on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

About that time, Captain Kroger motioned to us that it's time to buy the beer.
I scanned my six-pack, swiped my card, grabbed my receipt and headed to the door to enjoy a Father's Day afternoon on the shaded deck.