Blue Laws

Well, what better day to re-start this blog than Father's Day?

So I'm at the local Kroger to pick up some last-minute provisions for the big Father's Day shin-dig-- some veggies, chips, dip, and beer.
Found a nice looking Hefeweizen from Shiner-- hadn't seen that at the store before-- and figured that would make a nice summer-time beer.

But when I went through the check-out, the little cashier girl said "You can't buy beer before 12:00 noon."
I said, "Pardon?" as I shot a glance at my watch.
It was 11:50am.
"It won't let me sell you the beer before noon," she said, beckoning at the register monitor.
"Okay, so I guess I should have wandered around the store for 10 more minutes, eh?"
She didn't appreciate my sarcasm.

So I put the groceries it would let me buy into my car and then, as I took the cart back to the front of the store (yeah, I do that), I decided I didn't want to go home without that beer. So back into Kroger I went.

I went to the cashier for the U-Scan lane to ask him what official Kroger time is.
Apparently, I wasn't the only one trying to break the law and buy beer this morning. As I went to ask the U-Scan guy-- probably the most under-worked employee in the store-- he was already having a bad day. Two Hispanic guys were trying to buy a six-pack of beer and Captain Kroger was officiously explaining to them that they could not buy beer before noon-- and the guy was looking quizzically at his watch.

So I manage to get Captain Kroger's attention and ask him what official Kroger time was. Bad idea. He looks at me and launches into a soliloquey on how the Kroger computer system works to prevent beer sales before Noon on Sundays.. and that the Kroger clock is 2 minutes slow. So there's still about 5 minutes to go.

"Hey," I say, "no problem. I can wait."
He looked disappointed.
Does this guy have something against beer on a hot summer Sunday afternoon?

So I go back and get the Hefeweizen and stand just outside the perimeter of the U-Scan queue... and slowly I notice that I am one of a small gathering of guys with beer... all of us obviously waiting out the clock. There's me, the two Hispanic guys, and a college-age kid.

I start to strike up a conversation with the college kid when Captain Kroger chooses to remind us all that "It's still not 12:00. About another 2 minutes."

Right, Chief. Relax. We're good.

The college kid laughs. And that's when I notice the contents of his purchase:
1) Kraft Mac & Cheese
2) a bag of M&Ms
3) a six pack of Natural Light

I point that out to him and jokingly say, "Man, it just doesn't get any better than that, does it?"
"No, it's true. It is pretty good. Got some brats waiting for me at home."

Oh man. Brats and Natty Lite on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

About that time, Captain Kroger motioned to us that it's time to buy the beer.
I scanned my six-pack, swiped my card, grabbed my receipt and headed to the door to enjoy a Father's Day afternoon on the shaded deck.